their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I am spending my child support on dildos
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
