just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
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We left the knife in your bed.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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