how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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