i think my mom watched the whole time
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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