If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
