I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
