'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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