Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
