I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
