Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
