When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
