he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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