im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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