My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
MIDGETS
????
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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