I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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