OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
