I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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