I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
