Screwed.edu
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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