so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
