Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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