Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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