so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
