i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
try to milk me bitch
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