Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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