Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
