i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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