I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
