i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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