well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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