she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Randomize
