god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
