I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
