I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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