I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
