i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize