she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
