accomplished twins. life is a go
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
