You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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