You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Boobs speak an international language.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
