Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
