guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize