Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize