OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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