I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
