before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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