$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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