did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
