Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
