The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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