Betty ford says i'm here all night
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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