I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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