come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
