OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
