ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
