I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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