I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
