I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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