I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
