why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
