woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
