it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Two words: blizzard sex
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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