You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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