we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize