I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
