pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize