my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize