I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
