i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
