Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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