JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
