I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
