Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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