You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
